So you’re getting a divorce. So I have 2 kids under 5, we've been together 5 years, i'm a stay at home mama and mostly really anxious. Mediation and Divorce Blog - Equitable Mediation Services. One that lets each of you carry on your lives in a separate, but roughly equal, manner. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Come on, you're smarter than that. Don't Expect Alimony. If things haven't escalated to the level of outright abuse, it's really best to make at least some attempt to work things out and SEE if it's possible to resolve your problems. I was a stay-at-home homeschooling mom for 18 years before my ex decided to file for divorce. It’s tough, I’ve cried a lot, but I know I’m much better off in the long run. I'm going to school soon so I'm sure that will help getting a job. I wouldn't say 10s of thousands, but he would if he could. Her routine became come home… I don’t trust my husband at all, even though he’s my children’s father. Who's paying the medical costs for the children? Or have them being cared for by a complete stranger. At any point from here forward he can give up and decide to divorce you. Do they really know what's best for your kids? Divorce Advice for Stay-At-Home Moms During divorce, is any position more disadvantageous than that of a stay-at-home mom? The reality of the situation is this: you told him you want a divorce. Instead of throwing it away during the divorce process. And it makes perfect sense given you don't currently have full-time employment and don't earn an income and you haven't had a career or been in the workforce since the kids were born. I don’t think it’s fair to stay and take advantage of finances for either party knowing you’re going to leave. I love reading, writing, making music, editing, wildflowers, dancing, honest… Continue reading About me You stayed home with the kids, you put your career on hold, you supported your spouse by tending to the home … Who moves out of the shared home? And you may not even have visibility into the household finances. Generally not a great way to fix the situation, FYI. It was absolutely terrifying to face a divorce, with no job and no skills and no recent work experience. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Right now you're both stressed and depressed and you have two young kids getting on your nerves. How are you going to pay for it? But- I feel like I would not enjoy staying at home. And that includes lying to him and allowing him to believe things are fine until you're ready to cut and run. At one point, you and your spouse agreed that one of you would stay home to care for your children. Instead of hiring lawyers, you can choose to mediate your divorce instead. Your friends are telling you to wait so you can continue to live off his income. My name has never been put on the checking account, or any property that is owned. These topics are critically important to women (and their children's) financial future. There's a lot an attorney can (and will) charge you for. Where are you going to get the money from to pay all those bills? And in most states, there is very little in the way of guidance when it comes to figuring out who gets what. And even in states where there are guidelines or pre-determined formulas, there are situations where they will not apply, cannot be used and/or will create new problems. In fact, it might be the most catastrophic mistake you can make in your life because you could wind up getting much less than you thought or had hoped for. And a lot is left out. They may have been out of the workforce for a few years, or their entire adulthood if they got married young and their children are almost adults. Hеrе аrе ѕоmе tірѕ аnd advice thаt wіll help for stay at home moms who want a divorce. How is custody being split? I mean, that’s just morally my personal view. Unlike child support, there are very few guidelines or models available in most states for determining alimony (also known as spousal support, maintenance or spousal maintenance depending on the state). My family is so far away. This may be affecting your judgement. Preparing for divorce for the stay-at-home mom is a lot more than picking up the phone and calling an attorney. No! It's just a matter of time before someone pulls the trigger and forces you to make your decisions. That I shouldn't have full custody. And in case you haven't already figured this out, by working with one mediator instead of two lawyers, you'll have a lot more money available to: So preserve the money, control the outcome and do what's best for you and your children. I DESPERATELY want to divorce my husband, but I have no means. Embarking on divorce is intimidating, even for those who are well-situated in their career and are in control of their finances.If you’re a stay-at-home mom who has been out of the workplace for an extended time or never had a job outside the house, the prospect of divorce can give rise to feelings of powerlessness and fear of the future. He will have to support the children and you for a little while (you have a short marriage so there won’t be a lot of support but may be enough to get you through a two year degree-best consult with a divorce attorney on specifics). And of course, if you're going to school/work you now have to consider who's going to look after the kids. A stay at home mum is treated the same as a working partner Only in cases where the matrimonial assets are more than sufficient to meet the immediate needs of both parties, will the Court move on to considering the concepts of sharing assets. It was the best thing i ever did for myself, and for my young children. If an opportunity presents itself early on, a stay at home mom going through a divorce may want to consider that opportunity earlier, rather than later. Traditionally, the parent who has always stayed home with the kids was the mother. Regardless of the reason – be it to care for a special needs child, a desire to parent full-time, or simply because they can – all are at risk for lifelong poverty, should their marriage end in divorce. You haven’t worked in a while, and … If he goes, how are you going to pay for the roof over your head? Are there financial realities? Round and round they'll go, arguing over what's fair, making proposals based in fantasy-land and depleting your bank accounts with their mounting legal bills. Regardless of how many years your marriage lasted, whether you're the one who wants to divorce your husband or your husband is the one who wants to divorce you, the choices you make before you start your divorce will likely set the tone for how the entire process will unfold for you and your children. I never considered divorce an option. And it goes without saying that you and your lawyer won't agree. I mean, that’s just morally my personal view. Divorce is less about the law and more about finances and being a good parent. If split, how is the split handled? And that's probably a sore subject for both of you. Sure. Many stay-at-home moms believe they will be able to maintain their current lifestyle after a divorce. It will be hard. This study shows the impact – at divorce – of being a stay-at-home mom who gives up her own career: she is unlikely to receive half of all property earned during the marriage. With the right guidance, she can feel educated and empowered about her personal worth and legal rights in the divorce process. Posted in another subreddit, but wanted some more advice. Those funds will be subtracted from your final settlement. And how peaceful, fair, child-focused and cost-effective your divorce will (or won't) be. If he really has an 'uncontrollable' spending habit, of the sort that's running up tens of thousands of dollars in bills, then staying longer means YOU ARE LIABLE FOR MORE DEBT. He basically spends every penny he can get his hands on. So I have 2 kids under 5, we've been together 5 years, i'm a stay at home mama and mostly really anxious. Grace has been a stay-at-home mom for fourteen years; Bill has an executive position and earns a six-figure salary. Because don't you think your husband and his lawyer are going to expect you to reimburse him in the divorce settlement for the funds you took out of your joint savings account? Alimony in some states, but your marriage has been relatively short and it won't be very much or very long. Only you know exactly what it costs to raise your kids because as a stay at home mom, you're the one in the marriage doing the clothes shopping, writing the checks to the school and paying for the dance and karate lessons. The pain of not leaving is killing me. I now work part-time and am trying my hardest to keep food on the table.It is NOT EASY, but It is so helpful to know that i am not completely alone in my journey. And if you're fortunate to select a divorce mediator with a financial acumen, he'll be able to explain the tax implications of your settlement and how these might impact you when it comes time in your life to retire. Think lawyers work for free? 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